The Perfect Valentine’s Gift

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A week into February.. and the hope to have a pleasant month after a emotional January seems to be fading away really fast.  What was I thinking? Romantic February?  Such crap seems so darn hard to come by when it keeps on raining, and things keep cropping up, despite you trying your very best to keep it at bay.

The best part of it, for me… I guess is the fact I have not been sleeping well since Monday.  That would make it 4 straight days of lack of sleep during the night, and during the day…  Not that I don’t sleep.  I do fall asleep at about 3-4am during these few days, but it wouldn’t be sound.  I’d wake up, as if being awaken by my own snore, or because of an unknown reason…with a certain feel of discomfort in my throat, nose and mouth…then,  I’d sleep back again, and wake up a few minutes later.. experiencing the same thing, and sometimes wondering where I am, when I wake up.  Don’t ask me “WHY??“, because your guess is as good as mine.  I know shit about what’s going on.

I’d admit, I’m doing this post with little to none happiness in my heart.  With so much sore, that being knocked by a bus would be painless.  I think, if the ceiling came down on me tonight, I’d feel nothing, but be very thankful to God for helping me relieve my self inflicted pain.

It took me a single moment today, to start thinking… Thinking of the SMALL DETAILS, the BIG DETAILS... thinking of MY MISTAKES, MY FLAWS….. EVERYTHING… and now, I’m pretty much as confused as a spinning top.

These questions comes to mind… “Why does it always bite me?”  “Why do somethings, just always re-surface?”  So many WHY‘s.. and so little BECAUSE‘s…. I think I have done all I can.  I’ve even dumped myself to the lowest ever point in life… but still… that’s not enough.  I still receive frowns, and I still see unhappy faces… and I still unexpectedly… bump into un-wanted things which should have been gone so long ago, Bethlehem would seem like it’s in the present…

Val’s day is in 9 days.  Couples exchange gifts, and go for romantic dinners during Val’s day.  Restaurants and florist, and shops charge extra for everything related to LOVE.  Even the fortune teller on the sidewalk would charge you an extra buck to hold your hand and predict the future.

But those are not important.  This Valentine, I do not seek any gifts, I do not want anything material.  All I want is to see those close to me happy.  Valentine’s day means nothing without happiness of those close to you… and if I have done my very best, and still fail to achieve that… I feel like I’m a total failure.  Nonetheless, I guess I’m wrong that I culd change the world, and that you can live at the utmost present.  Because it seems that sometimes, you just got to live in the presence of the past, and accept that you can’t change the world no matter how hard you try…..

So far, 2009 does seen discouraging…especially with the rain and the wet weather.

to summarize:

2009 SUCKS!!

12 COMMENTS

  1. Yep, happiness means everything to me too!
    Hope that your days getting better & better soon.
    And hope that one day there’ll be a magical rainbow appears after the rains…

    Cheers,
    —Sweet Lavender—

    [cdason]
    That’s what I’m counting for…

  2. AHAks! Couldn’t sleep eh? That happened to me once a year only. Probably i’ve solved my problems in the day before going to sleep. Talking about valentine gifts? I know it’s hard to think of any items, but just a dinner with loved ones should be fine. No worries, like u said, as long as everyone around you is happy.

    People like me dude, has long given up on valentine’s day. Have not celebrated it for years . So valentine’s day or not, it doesn’t have any effect on me. Hahaha

    Stay cool man although the rain sucks!

    [cdason]
    Before I sleep, I don’t think that much anymore coz I tend to only sleep when I’m already really tired, and ready to hit the sack. As for Val’s day.. yeah.. good suggestion there 😛

  3. Too early too say 2009 sucks brader…there is always light at the end of the tunnel but only for those who look up… not down.

    [cdason]
    Looking up.. uhh.. I see the sun..!!

  4. Hey cyril,
    well…is only the early month of the years and is really hard to predict what’s gonna happen in the months to come.

    [cdason]
    Yeah.. everybody’s saying I’m judging the year too early..

  5. Emotional January, Romantic February, Crappy March, Foolish April, Merry May, Festive June, Edgy July, Crazy August, Stupid September, Odd October, Naughty November, and Merry December… come on, 2009 doesnt suck all that bad, YET! give it time…

    btw, people keep saying that everyday is a valentine day. watch whoever says it, ud notice one thing in common. Hahaha. I dont even know why we here celebrate V day here, it’s much too commercialised and its a tradition we borrowed from some other universe…

    [cdason]
    I don’t get it. What’s in common?? Emm.. well, celebrating it is okay. I think, as a girl/woman, you’d like it when your partner does something nice for you on a special day 😛 but yeah, it shouldn’t be only on Val’s day.. but everyday 😀

  6. Aiyo dun say sucks la, there will be a great bright day for you to find out. Valentine can be celebrated with bunch of friends like what Gallivanter said too =)) Good Luck bro!

    [cdason]
    Maybe I should do that.. but still, will have a nice dinner with Amiey.

  7. yala… too early to say 2009 is suck… you’ve just in the early year but haven’t through all this 2009… so unfair for you to say 2009 is suck!!!! 😀

    [cdason]
    Yah.. yah. I know 😀

  8. welcome to the club i guess… also having trouble sleeping … blankly awake from 2 a.m till 6.30 am .. i have the feeling that 2009 will be a great year for you …hehe ..just hanging there dude..by the way really admire your blog, post and comments 😀

    [cdason]
    nurenjel,
    Thanks for the compliment.. and yeah.. I’m hanging in there

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