Understanding Sincerity

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I always believed that when you do something, you must be sincere, or in BM, we call it ‘ikhlas’. What is the actual meaning of ‘sincere’? Well, I’ll leave the proper definition of ‘sincere’ to the language experts, but I’ll try do define it here by myself, so do tell if you find my definition a little bit ‘off’.

For me, when an act is done with sincerity, it will be done without anyone asking. It will involve a huge amount of giving, a huge amount of receiving, but a very little sum of asking.

Take for example someone whom has won a lottery of a huge sum. Which one of this situations is more sincere:
A-He offers to buy you coffee because he wants to; or
B-You ask him to buy coffee for you because he has just struck a huge jackpot?

I believe that A is the preferred answer. The reason? Well, simply because of my above statement. I don’t have to ask, and he offers to buy me coffee. It’s a simple case of making everybody happy.

'Sponsor makan'

Yeah, I know. Those whom are willing to ask for ‘sponsor’ sessions would defend that they merely asked, and it is his right to fulfill their wish, but I’d like to argue on this. I consider this an unfortunate Malaysian culture which is that whenever someone gets something (especially money), they MUST give it out to everyone. In other words, they must share. I’m not saying that sharing is not good, but I believe that there are times for this to happen, and the act of sharing must be sincere. What I mean is, the person whom gets lucky, must share because he wants to, and not because he is asked to do so by someone. After all, in some cases the ‘lucky’ person isn’t at all lucky because he has worked hard to get that something, and he should, by all means enjoy what he has done to deserve the reward. Yes, even those who strike 4D worked hard to religiously buy the number, queue up, take time to check the result and practically spend their personal money to do all that, and yet some of us have the guts to ask them to ‘sponsor’ when they strike like once in a blue moon.

The way I see it, when you ask for something, the person whom you asked will feel obliged to respond in good faith. The word ‘NO’ would put him in bad light, and if he were not to respond to the request, we Malaysians will say he is stingy, yet… the ULTIMATE FACT is that it is his money and he has every right to spend it any how he wants. Nonetheless, the person whom has got this ‘wealth’ should know whom should be acknowledge for his success, and do what is responsible by give them something back as a gesture of appreciation.

With that said, I find it very amusing and so ‘un-cool‘ to see how some people can coax others whom are ‘lucky’ to share their ‘wealth’ with them. Even more pathetic are those whom bring up their contribution towards that particular ‘wealth’; i.e saying “Hey, belanja la.. If I didn’t bla..bla..bla… you wouldn’t get this that this that“. Regardless of how these ‘wealthy people’ obtained their ‘wealth’, I feel it is just not right for others to ask for a share, even how small. I think, it’s better for the person to voluntarily give you something, than for you to ask for it. It is more sincere.

I know, this post would ‘challenge’ practically everyone because it is done by almost everyone, and I believe that Malaysians should change this mentality.  I think we call it ‘budaya meminta-minta‘.  I’m not promoting individualism here as I still strongly believe that sharing is good, but as I said above, it should be done willingly and sincerely with someone offering, and not someone asking for the offering.

Sharing is giving… but don’t ask to be given something

11 COMMENTS

  1. Oh yes, like if I have to tell you or ask you too, it’s already meaningless. You have to come up with it urself for it to mean something. 🙂

    [Cyril]
    So true… If you were told to give something, it’s just meaningless.

  2. ooooo.. if i do that to tauke2 kilang makanan here, i’ll be caught as taking bribery! eeee…

    [Cyril]
    LOL!! So.. don’t do that la… If not pun, u pandai2 la.. hahhahah

  3. Haha, hello Cyril,

    Did someone struck a jackpot? I guess your topic here is about sincerity in sharing right?

    I always believe in doing everything with love. Even the bible says it so. I know many Malaysians would ask to be treated with free food when good things happen to others. Probably it has become our habit instead of culture. Or probably, there are just asking to tease that person.

    Anyway, it is better that the person who receive good news to offer to pay for our food right?. And we on the other hand, need to reduce asking people to treat us with free food. Hahaha…

    Like recently, I just happened to be a birthday man and suddenly some people started to ask me to treat them free lunch. Gee…it is not that i don’t want to, but the persons who ask for it have never been talking to me on any other days. Why suddenly want to be my friend yesterday, on my birthday? Sincere or not? Hahaha…

    [Cyril]
    Well, you could say someone hit a jackpot, but that person is not me. I did this post because I was dissatisfied with how some people react to those whom have worked so hard to get something, and then… some people simply ask for their share. If its teasing, its okay la.. but even then, some people do take it seriously and feel obliged to ‘belanja’ those who ask.

    And yes, exactly.. if the person whom got the good news offered to pay, it would be very nice and also a very good sincere gesture, but if we asked him to pay? That’s tilting the whole thing around.

    And on your birthday.. LOL!! I know what you mean!!

  4. oi bos.. strike jackpot ka? share la sikit your good luck .. *wink*

    [Cyril]
    I don’t have such luck la… Its really too bad. Wish I did though. Btw, because I’m so unlucky in 4D, i stopped playing it.

  5. guys oso have this difficulty i believe. whenever they have their outing, one person is expected to pay, instead of everybody paying their own share. my hubby have this dilemma sometimes, and end up he always feel obliged to pay. I told him, let others offer to pay sometimes, cos most of us also earning about the same. we are not richer than anybody. once in a while have to be thick skin oso ler..

    [Cyril]
    Yeah. True.. Some people just don’t get the word ‘two way traffic’. Today you pay, tomorrow others la.. Its very unfortunate to know people whom just insist you pay all the time. Like you said, we earn the same

  6. Sir, I think I shud say not all Msians r what you think! There r still a lot more who r thin skinned type.. just mind it… who wants to beg others to treat self? unless thick skinned type!

    [Cyril]
    Yes.. true.. some of course will not ask for a treat, but it is something common. Why don’t u use your real name? Don’t worry la.. no harm ba..

  7. I have a long list of things to say about sincerity, but if I do so, it will seem like my comments are getting annoyingly long every time I write something here !! Scary right?

    I seldom get people asking me to treat them, and at the same time, I seldom got treated by people. I guess it is an unseen agreement between me and the people I usually hang out with that we will have to split the bills, no matter what.

    I would like to view sincerity in a different light.

    Sincere – help others when they need you to, and you help so without hesitation, because you know your help is really needed.

    Insincere – help others only when you want to, only when it is convenient for you, only when you feel like doing it. Even if the person is crying out loud and the whole world depends on it, if you feel like shaking it off, you just shake it off.

    So yeah, I wonder if people do view sincerity the way I do. A little twisted I know, but I find it true.

    [Cyril]
    First of all, it’s your opinion, so there is no right or wrong =) We have different interpretations of situations. After all, I don’t mind reading long constructive comment..hehe

    Secondly, yeah.. you got a twisted argument there, and proof is it took me a few times to understand it..hehehe… Anyway, from my point of view lah, if you do not give anything, or you do not react on a certain request (as you said; ‘you shake it off’), then it doesn’t have anything to do with being sincere because you have chosen not to do anything. But if you choose to do it, but then you want something back, or you are ‘forced to’, even if it’s in a ‘paksa-rela’ situation… it is insincere. For me la… my two cents =) but then again, if the whole world depended on you, and people desperately need help.. and you choose to shake it off.. I call that being irresponsible…

    anyway, my argument in this post is about asking people for something just because they have got something you don’t (i.e like strike 4D, a bonus etc), and how sincere is the person whom would be giving, when you actually ask for it in the first place.

    Thanks for the comment Robin. I appreciate your view =)

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